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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25085365">There Was A Hole Here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quixotism/pseuds/Quixotism'>Quixotism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), M/M, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:27:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25085365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quixotism/pseuds/Quixotism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thanos is gone. Thor got his dearest wish. </p><p>Except for one problem. He has forgotten what that is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki/Thor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>whoop whoop, writing fic, cross your fingers that i'll finish it, no beta, we live and die as writers.</p><p>inspired by a friend saying "well if thor ever forgot loki, he'd just romance him anyway" and you know what? valid.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p><i>Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect.</i><br/>— Jeanette Winterson</p>
</div><hr/>
<p>
  <i>I wish . . . oh how I wish . . . </i>
</p>
<p>
  <b>And what will you sacrifice for a wish?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <i>I wish . . . </i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>When all things were put to rights and five years of dust and emptied graves, Thor returned to Asgard. Something itches at the back of his mind, like a note scribbled on his arm in childish ink. Thor glances his arm. Nothing. It can’t have been important. He scratches at his beard idly as he moves on. </p>
<p>There is a ghost in his shadow but he cannot see it.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“An archivist?” Thor repeats skeptically. </p>
<p>Valkyrie flicked at some link at her shoulders, taking in the drab environment Thor lives in. He hadn’t gotten around to fixing it up. Thanos is dead, all is set to rights except for the itch in his heart, a scab he keeps picking at it as if it was slapped over a grievous wound. His shadows feel long at sunset. </p>
<p>She responds, “We do need a historian. The court died at Hela’s hand, remember?” </p>
<p>Thor sighs, seeing her point. Forgetting history and the struggle not to bury the worst or sweep it under the carpet is great, but it’s not a mistake Asgard wishes to repeat. Certainly not the remnants want to, “Fine, but I’ll have to see if they’re up to the task.”</p>
<p>Valkyrie gives him a look like he’s the biggest fool in the world. But that’s simply on par with her, “I think he’ll pass.”</p>
<p>Shaking his head nonplussed, Thor makes his way down to the home of the Archivist. A grand title, though a little pompous to assume one without Thor’s permission. He raps his knuckles on the door and a curt voice calls out, “Come in.” </p>
<p>Bemused, Thor pushes open the door to see — </p>
<p>
  <i>( laughter in the dark, cat-like eyes, a murmured word, a word that meant )</i>
</p>
<p>— Thor blinks away the shadows from his mind. The world returns to normal. The “archivist” straightens, almost as tall as Thor is, so close that Thor can taste his scent on his lips, winter mints and holly leaves pressed together. </p>
<p>“Ah,” the man responds, “It’s you.”</p>
<p>Well, that’s the most . . . lackluster response Thor has ever received. And it rankles, oddly enough. Thor has never had trouble attracting a more <i>enthusiastic</i> response and he feels affronted. But he doesn’t have time to linger on it as the man steps back to let Thor in. The house was sparse, as if the man hadn’t lived there long but that makes no sense as he was clearly Asgardian and there are no new Asgardians. </p>
<p>( the itch returns ) </p>
<p>“So,” Thor starts in the way of conversation, “You want to record our history.” </p>
<p>The archivist gives him the flattest of looks. Thor feels insulted, but somehow he does not bristle. Something about it feels warm, despite the cold reception so far. </p>
<p>Finally, the man speaks in cool, clipped tones, “Our history deserves remembrance does it not? And our people deserve to live in the present. I’m happy to bear that burden.” </p>
<p>“You don’t think it’s an honour?”</p>
<p>The Archivist purses his lips, “I suppose it can be. But I don’t see honour in it. Only need.” </p>
<p>Thor wonders at that. This had been far from his mind, “And you think our need is great.” </p>
<p>At that, the man’s eyes burn into Thor’s. He feels himself grow colder. Numb, as if he suffered a great blow to his chest and he forgot how to breathe. Thor gropes in his own mind to find it, but there is nothing there. <i>There was a hole here</i>, he thought to himself, <i>Where did it go?</i> </p>
<p>Instead he replies, “Very well, but I shall check up on you regularly. Constantly. To see how factual you are being.”</p>
<p>To which the Archivist rolls his eyes blandly, “How do you plan on doing that? You barely ever stepped into a library?” </p>
<p>“I have so! I did when . . .” But Thor falters. Again, something prods his mind but nothing appears. The Archivist’s expression softens with a hint of a pained smile. </p>
<p>“Fine,” he says magnanimously, “You <i>are</i> the King. Do what you want.” </p>
<p>Thor sniffs, “I will.”</p>
<p>And he walks out, head held high to the sound of the silver laughter, laughter in the dark. </p>
<p>Thor could admit it. He was a little in love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Thor, I’m here . . . </i>
</p><p>
  <i>. . . Thor?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Look at me. Do you know . . . who I am?</i>
</p><hr/><p>Loki closed the door with a sigh, resting his back against it. That was painful. Far more painful than he had expected it to be. Thankfully, his abilities to force down sentiment, to pretend nothing was wrong has helped him succeed in proving to Thor that he was just an ordinary archivist. A librarian. Loki swallows that down. Right now, he meant nothing to Thor and it felt like a physical ache. He spent so long tethered to Thor, to feel Thor close by, to <i>know</i> that Thor’s feelings would never fade. </p><p><i>How does it feel to be right?</i> he thinks to himself, <i>To know all it took was a shiny rock to remove your existence from Thor’s life?</i> </p><p>It had always been his greatest fear. Now, it is a meandering existence with Loki not knowing what to do with himself. He lets out another sigh until a sudden knock jolts him away from the door, stumbling over his feet. Loki grimaces. He has a feeling he knows who is behind the door and he better let them in before they consider simply breaking it down. </p><p>Warily, he opens it by an inch and immediately reels back as Valkyrie pushes through without a second thought, slamming the door behind her with her heel. </p><p>Loki looked deeply unimpressed, “Was that truly necessary?”</p><p>Valkyrie pauses, cocks her head, “Nope.” And with that, she pulls up a chair, crossing her legs and giving him a deeply unimpressed look, “Did you cry?” </p><p>He splutters, “Obviously I did not!” </p><p>Valkyrie seemed skeptical, “Good job, Lackey. You managed it. Now how long are you gonna keep us this ruse? You should just tell him.” </p><p>With that, Loki falls silent. That was the decision of the hour. With Thor’s memories wiped by the Infinity Stones as the price for Loki’s existence, Loki has kept his distance. At first he wanted to do anything <i>but</i> that, beg for the return of Thor’s memories, threaten to reuse the Infinity Stones to overturn Thor’s decision, <i>anything</i> but being forgotten by Thor. But as clarity came to him, Loki realized this . . . could be the best thing that happened to Thor. Away from Loki’s poison, Thor could flourish. Asgard could flourish. </p><p>All Loki had to do was to give up his dream of being Thor’s equal. </p><p>That shouldn’t be too hard. </p><p>At the expression on Valkyrie’s face, it’s clear Loki wasn’t selling it to her. He brushes it off, forcing himself to seem calm and nonchalant. At the very least, Loki can keep lying to himself. He’s had excellent practice in that area. </p><p>“I’m not going to tell him,” Loki finally replies, “Because it’s not important. It’ll just confuse him more and he has no time for that. And while I’m <i>grateful</i>,” she rolls his eyes at his tone, “that you thought of me enough to meddle, but I do not plan on staying here.” </p><p>“Yeah?” he really hated how she looked at him. He was still a prince, “What’re you going to do, rule another planet?”</p><p>“If there’s one available,” Loki counters smoothly, “But since you’ve wrangled me into this plot of spending time with Thor, I’ll do what he asks. I’ll perform this last task for Asgard and then I’m leaving.” </p><p>Something in her face shifts. Loki would almost call it softness, “That’s not what you want.”</p><p><i>No,</i> he thinks to himself, <i>It’s not even close.</i> </p><p>“It will have to do,” he says instead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>lmao sorry for the delay, life happened but this story is not being abandoned! still kicking myself back into the habit of writing. Thank you for the lovely kudos and comments! I'll try to respond asap.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bonding at the beach.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>There was someone . . . someone was here . . . </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Where . . .  did they go?</i>
</p><hr/><p>Thor couldn’t sleep. </p><p>Visions flashed under his eyelids, scattering every time he tried to grab hold. A shape, a thought, anything. He moved through sand, struggling, pushing forward, hands grasping through the endless muggy dreamscape that had infected him. Frustrated, Thor shoves the covers aside, too bothered to go back to sleep. His mind a blur, Thor finds himself wandering listlessly through New Asgard before finding himself . . . In front of Loki’s house. </p><p>Loki. The archivist still strikes him as odd. No, not odd. Thor has met plenty of oddities in his travels. The talking rabbit, the last of the Valkyries, the Avengers. He has never been a stranger to the unusual and the undiscovered. But Loki feels like an instinct. Like shielding your eyes to the sun or dipping your toes in water to test the temperature. When Thor was around him, he felt more . . . Like himself. </p><p><i>No,</i> Thor realises with a jolt, <i>I am </i>more<i> with him.</i></p><p>Decision made, Thor raps his knuckles against the door, sharp and pointed. He almost winces at the sound of it. King he may be, but Loki certainly didn’t owe him any of his time after midnight. Still, Thor cannot help himself, lured in by the tides of this forgotten instinct tugging towards an inevitability. That being said, Thor braces himself as the door creaks open to reveal a clearly disgruntled Loki, hair spilling into crooked directions. </p><p>“To what do I owe the pleasure, Odinson?” Loki said flatly, which clearly translated to <i>Why are you annoying me at this hour, you buffoon.</i></p><p>Thor merely beams, untouched by the earlier frustrations of his sleep, “I thought we could talk some more. Maybe get to know each other better.”</p><p>Loki levels a look that could have flattened anything in its path better than a rampaging Hulk. Thor finds himself sweltering slightly under it. Loki could say no and Thor could find himself moorless once more. But a heartstring that twinges in his heart tells him otherwise. After a long, clearly deliberate pause, Loki’s clear green eyes roving over Thor assessingly, he gives a clipped, “Fine.” And shuts the door in his face.</p><p>Thor waits. Considers breaking the door down. Kingship may not have gone to his head, but with Loki, he’s never felt so . . . Petty. Is this what life would have been like if he had been raised with a sibling? </p><p>But despite his anxiety, the door opens once more to reveal a more put together Loki, hair combed back and wearing a silk dressing gown, the kind you wouldn’t easily find in the village. Thor can’t help but appreciate the dark green on him, enjoying the silk clinging to Loki’s shoulders. </p><p>Though Loki doesn’t seem to notice or care, “Shall we?”</p><p>Unconsciously, Thor offers his arm. Loki gives him another long penetrating stare before slipping his arms around Thor’s own. He feels cool to the touch, like snowflakes grazing skin during winter. Thor resists the urge to pull him closer, keep him there forever.</p><p>Ridiculous. </p><p>They head to the beach, the sound of the waves rushing towards the shore filling up the companionable silence. For a while, at least, until Loki chooses to break the silence. </p><p>“While I’m honoured that the King of Asgard has chosen to grace me with his presence late in the night,” Loki’s dry perfunctory voice rises above the sea, as he glances at Thor, “can I ask why?”</p><p>Thor remains silent before answering lamely, “I couldn’t sleep.” </p><p>“What a surprise.”</p><p>He gives a small huff of amusement at that, good humour tugging at his lips, “I realise that I’ve imposed on you and you have no right to indulge me . . . I just felt . . . Lonely. Ever since we lost Asgard, I’ve never . . .” </p><p>Loki’s expression flickers like candlelight before breaking his gaze from Thor to look at the sea. Thor finds himself missing it. </p><p>Finally, he says, “No one would blame you. We’re all shouldering a great loss.”</p><p>Thor shakes his head, “It feels like it’s more than that. I feel like I’ve been displaced. And I don’t know how to recover from it.”</p><p>Despite the faraway look in Loki’s eyes, Thor can detect a certain softness. It didn’t feel like pity or sympathy, but a tenuous connection, like the waves and the sand, “Perhaps it is not about recovery, but healing. You never give yourself time to heal.”</p><p>Thor shoots Loki a swift glance, “That is a sharp assessment.”</p><p>“I am a sharp person,” Loki responds glibly, “As king, you had the job of settling our people. Drafting up laws. Making sure we have good standing with the mortals. Fighting off threats to our people,” Loki kicks idly at the sand, “But when have you let yourself grieve as a person? Let yourself choose something as <i>Thor</i> and no one else?”</p><p>Thor stares at him, flabbergasted. No one has spoken to him that way before and no one has cut through his illusions so quickly. Yet, despite it all, Thor didn’t feel angry. A part of him burned to be seen so clearly, but also . . . Relieved. He finds himself squeezing on Loki’s arm absently, oddly touched.</p><p>“You may be right,” Thor murmurs. The waves crash down upon their feet, “I may have forgotten who I am.”</p><p>Loki doesn’t respond for a long time, but when he does, his voice is tempered. Soft. It washes over Thor more kindly than the sea. </p><p>“You are a good king,” he says, “And there will always be people ready to help you find your way. As Thor. As anyone you choose to be.” </p><p>Loki’s fingers tremble upon Thor’s arm. Like snowflakes, Thor thinks to himself, but he lets it be as they stand there, awaiting the arrival of the sun.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm alive, I swear.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things are going well. Or are they???</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>Why . . . Did you bring me back? </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Why did you forget me?</i>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <i>Well, that happened.</i>
</p>
<p>Loki rests his back against the door. Thor had already departed once the sun had risen, though not before escorting Loki back home. The looks Thor had given him had been warmed over by the dawn and it left Loki trembling, as if he had been hit by Mjolnir, sharp and excruciating. As always, when it came to Thor, Loki had no defences. He had sworn his undying fidelity after all, upon the heels of inevitable death. Now . . . Now, Loki had returned but Thor didn’t remember him at all. All of their history had been wiped clean.</p>
<p>But <i>this</i> . . . This new thing between them . . . </p>
<p>Loki rubs his forehead, feeling worn down. How was he meant to stop this? It’s bad enough that Loki has returned to Thor’s orbit, irresistible, undeniable but it’s worse that Thor has no idea who he is. Was Loki taking advantage of their clean slate? No bad blood that was spilled, no more old wound and aches? There was no easy answer, at least not one that came to Loki. </p>
<p>One thing he did know, as Loki idly runs his fingers down the arm Thor had held close, he wasn’t strong enough to give it up. This uncertain flame, this tendril of possibility. It cleaves at his heart, almost pathetic in its hope, pushing away the potential shame and discourse that could follow. Because Loki has always been that selfish, that pathetic. He’s never been able to choose for the greater good. </p>
<p>He wants Thor’s warm regard. He wants Thor to keep looking at him like Loki was a decent person, that he wasn’t the worst brother that got so many of their number killed, that he hadn’t damned their father and neglected their family. He wants so much that he’s still trembling from head to toe after that brief meeting. </p>
<p>But Loki had to remember what he told himself before. <i>Just because Thor brought you back doesn’t mean he needs you. It doesn’t mean anything because he’s forgotten you completely.</i></p>
<p>It’s a lie but Loki knows how convincing a continuously told lie can be. Eventually, he’ll believe it enough to leave.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Their next few meetings were not as intimate as their impromptu beach discussion. Sometimes, Thor would escort him to take notes from the more elderly citizens of Asgard and remain there while Loki nodded obligingly, taking notes. Other times, Thor would stop by to check on the progress and clutter up his house, bending over Loki as he tries to peer at his research to which Loki would swiftly eject the king from his abode. It felt natural, right and it unnerved Loki more and more. But nothing like Thor’s touch in the morning repeated himself, though Loki sensed that Thor was restraining himself, trying not to cross boundaries. </p>
<p>A part of him appreciated that. The other part hated it. Loki has always been a collection of contrary parts. </p>
<p>Valkyrie seemed to find it deeply amusing, “You’re mad because he’s spending time with you but you’re also relieved that he wants to spend time with you?”</p>
<p>Loki barely resists a snarl, but the pull of his lips along the edges gives him away. Valkyrie continues to chuckle, “Lackey, I got to hand it to you. You do this to yourself.”</p>
<p>“<i>You</i> did this to me,” Loki pointed out, “By telling Thor he needed my help for his stupid project!”</p>
<p>“And he’s better for it,” Valkyrie counters without pausing, “Can’t you see it?”</p>
<p>Loki inhales sharply, “He is <i>not</i>.”</p>
<p>For some reason, that makes Valkyrie frown, “He looks happy. He’s no longer moping. He seems to be sleeping a little better. How can it be anything but good?”</p>
<p>His nails dig into his palm. Loki knows, despite all his selfish urges, that he’s never been <i>good</i> to Thor. He’s never given to Thor as much as his brother has given to Loki. Even though Thor has forgotten, he brought Loki back from the end, given him a new lease of life. Even though it chafes to be forgotten, Loki isn’t so delusional to think Thor <i>meant</i> to forget him. </p>
<p>Valkyrie sighs, “Look, Lackey. I’m not your therapist. I’m not his therapist. But you two . . . You’re never happy without each other. That’s just how it is.” </p>
<p>He inhales sharply, “That’s not —” </p>
<p>But the knock on the door startles away the rest of his words. Before Loki could answer it, the door swings open and Thor walks in, boisterous and uncaring. <i>Some things never change</i>, Loki thinks to himself with a roll of his eyes. Valkyrie seems deeply unimpressed as well. </p>
<p>With a sigh, Loki straightens himself, “Can I help you, Your Majesty?”</p>
<p>Thor’s eyes flits between Valkyrie and Loki, a pronounced frown emerging on his face. Loki can’t make heads or tails of it, but Valkyrie seemed to pick up something from it because she rises from her seat with a swagger, idly buffing her nails on her armor. She drawls, looking over Loki with half-lidded eyes that left him baffled, “Three’s a crowd. I’ll catch you later.”</p>
<p>With that parting remark, Valkyrie saunters out. The frown on Thor’s face seems permanently etched there while Loki continues to be flummoxed because <i>what the hell was that about?</i></p>
<p>He was about to ask Thor when his brother interrupts him with a sunny smile, as if that strange little exchange was already forgotten and forgiven. Which is so like Thor that the very action of it steals away Loki’s breath, “Do you have time to spare?”</p>
<p>Thankfully, Loki recovers quickly, “Plenty, now that Valkyrie is gone. What do you need?”</p>
<p>Thor gives a noncommittal hum, “I would like your company. Is that cause for concern?”</p>
<p><i>Yes</i>, Loki thinks without preamble, <i>Always. Especially if that company is me.</i> But he is a blank slate to Thor so perhaps it isn’t so unusual. Perhaps. His mind still struggles to wrap around the concept. </p>
<p>“Of course not,” he says instead, inclining his head politely, “After you.”</p>
<p>Thor beams at him. Lightning in a bottle. Long ago, when they were young, Loki was entranced by Thor’s power. They would conduct the most inane experiments and theories, trying to figure out how it worked in conjecture to the fabled Mjolnir. Their mother had put a stop for that and as Thor’s power grew, his shadow fell over Loki and poisoned the sun. </p>
<p>He pushes it out of his mind. They amble out of Loki’s cottage, winding towards the cliffs. A few Asgardians squint at Loki before dismissing him. They were well aware of his miraculous return and the circumstances, but they never put much weight in it. The affairs of royalty didn’t matter all that much, even if they cared for Thor and enjoyed Loki’s theatrics. He was a ghost, an unwanted one and Loki could feel the absence of interest in every step he took. Briefly, he remembers the dream. He and Thor, side by side, rebuilding Asgard. </p>
<p>What a hapless fool he had been then. As if his sins hadn’t marked him. As if he was deserving of such a dream. Of any dream. </p>
<p>Loki’s melancholia distracted him from his surroundings until Thor spoke, “We’re here.” </p>
<p>Here? Loki shakes himself out of his reverie before his eyes widen, recognition dawning on his face. This was the cliff where Odin had perished. Why had Thor brought him here? Had Thor remembered something? Hope, quick to rise, quick to perish thumps in his rib cage. </p>
<p>Thor pays no heed to it, “This is where my father died. He left me his secret. Hela, his first-born and Goddess of Death. Here, everything changed. The way I felt about Asgard, about myself.”</p>
<p>Loki floundered. He hadn’t expected this, for Thor to let him be privy to his secret moments. Especially a moment Loki had witnessed himself. Though he should have. Something was melting in Thor, giving away to spring and Loki didn’t know what to do with it. How could he nurture such a thing?</p>
<p>But he owed Thor every star in the sky and more, so he cleared his throat awkwardly, “It must have been a difficult revelation.” </p>
<p>Thor nods, glum, “It was. And even now, I find it difficult. I was always alone and I feel more alone now. I know my people and friends would support me, but who could understand how deeply secrets have shaken my heart?”</p>
<p><i>I would</i>, Loki’s head spins wildly, <i>It’s me! Remember me!</i></p>
<p>But he holds himself back. He won’t go down this road, “Perhaps you should let someone in. It would . . . Abate some of the loneliness, surely.” </p>
<p>At that, Thor gives him a funny look, bemused and exasperated, “Isn’t that why I’m telling you?”</p>
<p>Loki nearly cringes, “I’m not the best person for this.”</p>
<p>Thor won’t be deterred, “No. I think you are. . . . No, I <i>know</i> that you are. Just by being here, I feel my heart is soothed.” </p>
<p>“Your Majesty, I don’t think —”</p>
<p>He is interrupted by Thor reaching his hand out and resting it against the curve of Loki’s cheek, fingers splayed around his neck. The way Thor always used to. Even Thanos’ poisonous touch could not encroach on decades of love and brotherhood between them and Loki found himself silent, staring at Thor beseechingly.</p>
<p>“Why won’t you come in?” Thor says finally, looking at him, “Why don’t you want me? Are you lying to me?”</p>
<p>That was too much for Loki. He breaks apart from Thor, breathing heavily. It’s too much. This is a ravaging, a cruelty. </p>
<p>He summons his most frigid tone, drawing himself tall and unbreakable, “You’ve taken too many liberties, Odinson. Let you in? Want you? You think because you are king, you can claim any part of me?”</p>
<p>Thor flinches, his hand dropping like a dead weight. He looked chastised but Loki wasn’t done and kept going, his voice clipped and cutting, “I do not lie to you to tell you I do not want you. We are not all at your beck and call. I am here to help <i>Asgard</i> retain its history and no more. Once I’m done here, I will go.” </p>
<p>“Go?” Thor echoes in shock, “Go where? Why?”</p>
<p>“That is none of your business,” Loki hisses out. </p>
<p>“Loki —,” Thor calls out, trying to reach for him but Loki brushes him away. </p>
<p>“Find what you need, Thor,” he says, “But I will not let myself in your heart.”</p>
<p><i>Because the place that held me is gone. Unshakeable. Unmutable. The bond of brotherhood.</i> And Loki knew, as much as he wanted, it would kill him to be a flavour of the month, Thor’s passing fancy. Someone to love and forget. He turns on his heels and walked away. </p>
<p>And if Loki tasted salt on his lips, he could blame the sea.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>loki: i want thor to love me<br/>also loki: how dare you</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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